Joke thread

[Black|Raven]

The football coach noticed that his star tackle, Bubba had so many women hanging around that he couldn't possibly handle all of them.
So one day he asked Bubba, "Just what the hell is your secret?"
Bubba replies, "Well, Coach, whenever I'm about to have sex, I always whip it out and bang it on the dresser like a hammer. That numbs it and I can screw 'em forever!"
The coach went home early one day and went to the bedroom. He heard his wife in the shower. Seeing a window of opportunity, he tore off his clothes and started banging it on the dresser.
His wife stuck her head out of the shower and said, "That you Bubba?"

 

[Black|Raven]

A woman was shopping at her local supermarket where she selected:
a half-gallon of 2% milk,
a carton of eggs,
a quart of orange juice,
a head of romaine lettuce,
a 2 lb. can of coffee,
and a 1 lb. package of bacon.
As she was unloading her items on the conveyor belt to check out, a drunk standing behind her watched as she placed the items in front of the cashier.
While the cashier was ringing up her purchases, the drunk calmly
stated, "You must be single."
The woman was a bit startled by this proclamation, but she was intrigued by the derelict's intuition, since she was indeed single. She looked at her six items on the belt and saw nothing particularly unusual about her selections that could have tipped off the drunk to her marital status.
Curiosity getting the better of her, she said "Well, you know what, you're absolutely correct. But how on earth did you know that?"





The drunk replied, "Cause you're ugly."

 

[..::ERIC::..]

Oh please, you fail me and my maths logic.

In a dark, narrow alley, a function and a differential operator meet:
"Get out of my way - or I'll differentiate you till you're zero!"
"Try it - I'm e to the power of x..."

 

[kaftka]

Enough Eric.....Please.

 

[..::ERIC::..]

Oh Kaftka, are you a differentiable function? Because I'd like to be tangent to your curves.

 

[Black|Raven]

that was mathematically dirty...... eric, hang your head in shame

 

[-JJ-]

Oh. My. God. If those jokes are originals Eric, then I might just have to propose.

Everyone here is probably thinking we're retards, but at least I'm happy.

More Eric. More.

 

[..::ERIC::..]

I'd don't know any more. And I'm sad to say the "pick up" line is not an original. My teacher actually has it on the wall in Calc.

 

[-JJ-]

To be honest, I think the pick up line was the weakest anyway.

 

[Black|Raven]

WTF!












*picks up a sniper*
*aims it at J-J*



give me a f%ckin' reason!

 

[..::ERIC::..]

Why doesn't George Bush like maths?
Because there are AlGoreithims but no GeorgeBushithims.

 

[kaftka]

Oh dear god no.......

 

[Spikey]

A broke blonde decides to ask God for help. "Dear Lord," she prays, "if I don¡¦t get some cash, I'm gonna lose everything. Please let me win the lottery."

Lottery night comes, but the blonde doesn't win. She prays even harder, saying, "God, why have you forsaken me? My children are starving. Please just let me win this once."

Suddenly there is a blinding flash of light, and the blonde hears God speak.

"Sweetheart, work with me on this," he says. "Buy a ticket."


He he he. Liked this one

But to be honest im blonde BUT not that STUPID lol

 

[Saint N Sinner]

 

[-JJ-]

Originally posted by Black|Raven@Jun 29 2005, 07:42 PM
*picks up a sniper*
*aims it at J-J*

Wow! That's similar to -JJ-.

Anyway, you may need a slap for that last one Eric.

 

[SaintsFan_Webby]

Originally posted by Black|Raven@Jun 29 2005, 08:42 AM
*picks up a sniper*

Did you pull him in a bar?

 

[leg-rice]

wat does a blonde say when you ask her if her indicaters are working?

yes.no.yes.no.yes.no.yes.no

only joking for all you blondes out there

 

[Black|Raven]

Two Texans were out on the range talking about their favourite positions. One said, "I think I enjoy the rodeo position the best."
"I don't think I have ever heard of that one," said the other cowboy. "What is it?"
"Well, it's where you get your wife down on all fours and you mount her from behind. Then you reach around and cup each one of her breasts in your hands and whisper in her ear, "Boy, these feel just like your sister's."


Then you try and stay on for 8 seconds!!!

 

[kaftka]

A guy with a black eye boards his plane and sits down in his seat.

He notices immediately that the guy next to him has a black eye, too. He says to him, "Hey this is a coincidence, we both have black eyes; mind if I ask how you got yours?"

The other guy says, "Well, it just happened. It was a tongue twister accident. See, I was at the ticket counter and this gorgeous blonde with the most massive breasts in the world was there. So, instead of saying, I'd like two tickets to Pittsburgh,' I accidentally said, 'I'd like two pickets to ***tsburgh'...........So she socked me a good one."

The first guy replied, "Wow! This is unbelievable. Mine was a tongue twister too. I was at the breakfast table this morning and I wanted to say to my wife, 'Please pour me a bowl of Frosties, honey.' But I accidentally said,'you ruined my life you evil fat *****

 

[..::ERIC::..]

A Lions hotline has been opened to help Lions fans deal with the embarrasement. There number is 0800 10 10 10







That number again, 0800 won nothing won nothing won nothing