Penalties for scrummaging infringements have become something of a joke as front row forwards are buckling under one of the most insane systems of punishment know to man.
Ask any prop or hooker, the laws of rugby pertaining to collapsing scrums have become a lottery based on the whims of a referee who more often than not has never played a single game at front row in his life.
Referees might be ex-players but I'm yet to meet or hear of a front rower turned referee, and quite simply the current lot haven't a clue about what really goes on in a scrum.
Don't try convince me they do. I've been there and got that T-shirt, first-hand.
It's really more frustrating than just pure laughs and as a hooker who has 17 years experience of this carry-on, I believe the punishment lottery has only worsened thanks to the demands of entertainment and spectatorship.
Although I understand constant scrum resets aren't very enjoyable to watch, I think front-rowers should claim back their rightful control of this aspect of rugby and here are a few easy ways to flummox even the greatest referee and turn the current chaos, in terms of scrums, into an advantage for the team.
Controlling the illusions the referee might develop can seriously affect the outcome of the game and although it's not a crowd pleasing element of modern rugby, it's nonetheless a valid tool for any top side.
Strategic planning, manipulating and managing of scrum penalties: Play up various strategic situations and don't be afraid to give up early penalties but be guided by field position and time in a
carefully plotted strategy to ensure you're statistically ahead and have the referee betting to your next advantage when you need it most.
The Give: No referee on this planet can spot a delicate pulse-like easing up designed to destabalise and drop the scrum. Touch-Pause-Engage and then down-she-goes.
Drop the blind-side: This is a classic old ploy and exploits the fact that the referee can't be on both sides of the scrum at the same time. Simply drop the side that the referee is not guarding.
Intentionally collapse scrums: Build up a negative record for the opposition and don't be afraid to drop scrums which appear to be already to your advantage, i.e drop your own attacking scrums to put the guillotine over the heads of your opposite numbers.
The handbag drop: A punch or two from the second row has been known to help collapse scrums and is extremely difficult to spot.
The slack hooker drop: Many referees have read a handbook that says it's impossible to collapse a scrum with arms above the head, shoulders above the hips. A hooker can however make a mockery of this by simply swinging his 'hind quarters' forward, dropping himself on the necks of his opponents and dropping a scrum undetectably every time.
Play up the crowd: Get the penalty count up early and make sure the crowd gets the message the referee is persecuting the wrong team.
Captains questions: Related to the above, a captain can add further frustration to the collapsing scrum conundrum by cleverly questioning the referee about the status of the scrum and by carefully communicating subversive messages throughout the scrum.
Mind the gap: Stretch the gap between packs and get the opponents stretching to get to you. Drops every time.
Lever Brothers: Engage at full height bending only at the waist forming a near perfect 90 degree angle, then bend your knees to control the height of the scrum, keep your hips and shoulders level, then return to maximum height – a guaranteed house of cards.
The early rounds of the Super 14 have shown how quizzical the collapsing law interpretations have become and it's time savvy teams began to counter this with some planning of their own.
I've little doubt the referee can be played to the benefit of the most 'devious' front row.
