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Jokes

a ambulance was starting to drive away from the scene of an accident, and then a maori comes chasing after it. the paramedics said to each other that they had already got someone so they cant really help, so they sped up. the maori starts running faster too, which the ambluance driver notices and thinks, well, we will send someone back to see whats wrong as soon as we get to the hospital. and so he accelerates even more. the maori then takes off one jandal and throws it at the ambulance, starts shouting at it and waving his arms around. the paramedics say to themselves, well, maybe it is really important then, so they pull over and stop. the maori comes up to the side of the ambulance and says "can i have a single soft serve with a flake"
 
Whats long, brown and smelly?





A poo.




Wait, sorry its the un-employment line at Winz.
 
whats the diffence between a truck of sand and a truck of babys???

you can't unload the truck of sand with a picth folk
 
Originally posted by sambãd5@Jun 7 2006, 12:50 PM
i appologise in advance, and i dont mean anything buy it but its horribly funny.


whats the diffrence between a maori and a park bench?

a park bench can hold up a family.


(really sorry)
Click to expand...
I prefer the one

A Samoan, a Tongan and a Maori are in a car, whos driving?
The Police.

Or this text I got from a mate after the S14 Final

The Hurricanes have annouced the signing of thier new star Winger Mark Inglis, he may have no legs, but he leaves people for dead.
 
oh, don't even test me with dead baby and hellen keller jokes.

how do you get a baby into a bowl?
a blender

how do you get it out?
tortilla chips


why can hellen keller only ********** with one hand?
she has to use the other hand to moan
 
lol not as good as necks last one but here goes:

There are three guys sitting in a bar. An Irishman, a Maori and a Pom.
A faith healer walks in and starts talking to the three about the beer
they are drinking.

After a while the Irishman gets the faith healer to try his Guinness.
The faith healer has a drink then pats the Irishman on the arm telling
him what a lovely beer it was. The Irishman starts moving his arm around
and exclaims Amazing, I've had a sore arm for 20 years and now it feels
great!

The Pom offers the faith healer a taste of his Dog Bolter. The faith
healer has a drink then pats the Pom on the head and tells him what an
excellent beer Dog Bolter is. The Pom shakes his head and says Thats
incredible I've had a migraine head ache for the last 15 years and now
its gone.

The Maori then offers the faith healer a taste of his Lion Red. The faith
healer has a drink and tells the Maori guy what a lovely beer Lion Red is
and goes to pat him on the leg. Don't touch me bro !! yells the Maori guy
recoiling in horror I'm on ACC.
 
Originally posted by Wally@Jun 15 2006, 03:15 PM
What do you call an African-American?

A black c***.
Click to expand...
e7b78902.gif
 
A German family head out one Saturday to do some shopping. While in
the sports shop the son picks up an England football shirt and says to
his sister, "I've decided to be an England supporter and I would like
this for my birthday."
His big sister is outraged by this and promptly whacks him round
the head and says, "Go talk to your mother."
So off goes the little lad with the white and red football shirt in hand and finds his mother.
"Mum?"
"Yes son?"
"I've decided I'm going to be an England supporter and I
would like this shirt for my birthday".
The mother is outraged at this, promptly whacks him around the head twice and says, "Go talk to
your father."
Off he goes with the football shirt in hand and finds his father. "Dad?"
"Yes son?"
"I've decided I'm going to be an England supporter and I would like this shirt for my birthday."
The father is outraged and promptly whacks his son around the head 4 times and
says: "No son of mine is ever going to be seen in THAT!"
About half an hour later they're all back in the car and heading towards home. The
father turns to his son and says; "Son, I hope you've learned something
today?"
The son says, "Yes dad I have."
"Good son, what is it?"
The son replies, "I've only been an England supporter for an hour and already I hate
you German B@stards!"
 
Two hunters are out in the woods when one of them collapses. He doesn't seem to be breathing and his eyes are glazed. The other guy takes out his phone and calls the emergency services.

He gasps: "My friend is dead! What can I do?" The operator says: "Calm down, I can help. First, let's make sure he's dead." There is a silence, then a gunshot is heard. Back on the phone, the guy says: "OK, now what?"

============================================
apparently that was offically the funniest joke back in 2002. go figure
 
Originally posted by ..::ERIC::..@Jun 21 2006, 06:57 PM
Why wasn't Jesus born in USA?

They couldn't find 3 wise men or a virgin.
Click to expand...
you suck....but funny joke though lol
 
a maori boy came home from school one day, after the school swimming competion, and he says to his mum "mum, i have the biggest dick in 3rd form. is it because im black?"

his mum replies: "no its because your 19"
 
lol thats awsome nice one simbad i would give you a rep point for that if i could, but it will have to wait till i can
 
The Best Break Up Letter.......Ever!
A soldier stationed in Iraq recently received a "Dear John"
letter from his girlfriend back home. It read as follows:

Dear Ricky,
I can no longer continue our relationship. The distance between us is
just to o great. I must admit that I have cheated on you twice, since
you've been gone, and it's not fair to either of us. I'm sorry. Please
return the picture of me that I sent to you.
Love, Becky..............

The soldier, with hurt feelings, asked his fellow soldiers for any
snapshots they could spare of their girlfriends, sisters or
ex-girlfriends. In addition to the picture of Becky, Ricky included all
the other pictures of the pretty gals he had collected from his buddies.
There were 57 photos in that envelope.... along with this note:

Dear Becky,
I'm so sorry, but I can't quite remember who the ***k you are. Please
take your picture from the pile, and send the rest back to me.
Take Care,

Ricky




Apologies if this has been posted before, I am new to the jokes page.
 
The last Oakland Raiders practice was delayed nearly two hours today after a player reported finding an unknown white powdery substance on the practice field. Head coach Norv Turner immediately suspended practice while police and federal investigators were called to investigate. After a complete analysis, investigating forensic experts determined that the white substance unknown to players, was the Goal Line. Practice was resumed after special agents decided the team was unlikely to encounter the substance again.

--------------------

Q. What's the difference between a baby and a fridge?
A. A fridge doesn't scream when you pack it full of meat.

Q. What's the difference between a truckful of gravel and a truckload of dead babies?
A. You can't empty a truckful of gravel with a pitchfork.

Q. What's the quickest way to paint a room with a dead baby?
A. Depends how hard you throw it.

Q. Why did the feminist cross the road?
A. To suck my f***ing cock

Q. What's grey and comes in pints.
A. An elephant.

--------------------


A girl storms into her boyfriends house,

"You f***ing *******! This is the end, I'm moving out!"

The guy goes "What?? What the hell is going on?"

The girl goes "I've just been talking to my counsellor, he reckons you're only using me for sex!"

The guy replies, "Wow you're pretty clever for a 12 year old!"
 

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