A
ak47
Guest
:bravo:
precisely
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precisely
D
dobrien7
Guest
And getting back to the point of this thread...
INTERNATIONAL RULES OF MANHOOD*
1: Under no circumstances may two men share an umbrella.
2: It is ok for a man to cry ONLY under the following circumstances:
a. When a heroic dog dies to save its master.
b. The moment Angelina Jolie starts unbuttoning her blouse.
c. After wrecking your boss' car.
d. One hour, 12 minutes, 37 seconds into "The Crying Game".
e. When she is using her teeth.
3: Any man who brings a camera to a bucks party may be legally killed
and eaten by his mates.
4: Unless he murdered someone in your family, you must bail a friend
out of jail within 12 hours.
5: If you've known a guy for more than 24 hours, his sister is off
limits forever unless you actually marry her.
6: Moaning about the brand of free beer in a mates fridge is
forbidden. However complain at will if the temperature is unsuitable.
7: No man shall ever be required to buy a birthday present for another
man. In fact, even remembering your mates birthday is strictly optional.
8: On a road trip, the strongest bladder determines pit stops, not the weakest.
9: When stumbling upon other guys watching a sporting event, you may
ask the score of the game in progress, but you may never ask who's playing.
10: You may flatulate in front of a woman only after you have brought
her to climax. If you trap her head under the covers for the purpose
of flatulent entertainment, she's officially your girlfriend.
11: It is permissible to drink a fruity alcohol drink only when you're
sunning on a tropical beach... and it's delivered by a topless model
and only when it's free.
12: Only in situations of moral and/or physical peril are you allowed
to kick another guy in the nuts.
13: Unless you're in prison, never fight naked.
14: Friends don't let friends wear Speedos, Ever! Issue closed.
15: If a man's fly is down, that's his problem, you didn't see anything.
16: Women who claim they "love to watch sports" must be treated as
spies until they demonstrate knowledge of the game and the ability to
drink as much as the other sports watchers.
17: A man in the company of a hot, suggestively dressed woman must
remain sober enough to fight.
18: Never hesitate to reach for the last beer or the last slice of
pizza, but not both, that's just greedy.
19: If you compliment a guy on his six-pack, you'd better be talking
about his choice of beer.
20: Never join your girlfriend or wife in discussing a friend of
yours, except if she's withholding sex pending your response.
21: Phrases that may NOT be uttered to another man while lifting weights:
a. Yeah, Baby, Push it!
b. C'mon, give me one more! Harder!
c. Another set and we can hit the showers!
22: Never talk to a man in a bathroom unless you are on equal footing:
i.e., both urinating, both waiting in line, etc. For all other
situations, an almost imperceptible nod is all the conversation you need.
23: Never allow a telephone conversation with a woman to go on longer
than you are able to have sex with her. Keep a stopwatch by the phone.
Hang up if necessary.
24: The morning after you and a girl who was formerly "just a friend"
have carnal drunken monkey sex, the fact that you're feeling weird and
guilty is no reason for you not to nail each other again before the
discussion about what a big mistake it was occurs.
25: It is acceptable for you to drive her car. It is not acceptable
for her to drive yours.
26: Thou shall not buy a car in the colours of brown, pink, lime
green, orange or sky blue.
27: The girl who replies to the question "What do you want for
Christmas?" with "If you loved me, you'd know what I want!" gets an Xbox.
End of story.
28: There is no reason for guys to watch Ice Skating or Men's
Gymnastics. Ever!
29. If you walk into a bathroom and a man is using one of the urinals,
you must have at least 1 urinal spaced between the two of you. No exceptions!
We've all heard about people having guts or balls. But do you really
know the difference between them? In an effort to keep you informed,
the definition of each is listed below.
GUTS - is arriving home late after a night out with the guys, being
assaulted by your wife with a broom, and having the guts to ask, "Are
you still cleaning or are you flying somewhere?"
BALLS - is coming home late after a night out with the guys smelling
of perfume and beer, lipstick on your collar, slapping your wife on
the backside and having the balls to say, "You're next!"
We hope this clears up any confusion.
*/International Council of Manhood/*
INTERNATIONAL RULES OF MANHOOD*
1: Under no circumstances may two men share an umbrella.
2: It is ok for a man to cry ONLY under the following circumstances:
a. When a heroic dog dies to save its master.
b. The moment Angelina Jolie starts unbuttoning her blouse.
c. After wrecking your boss' car.
d. One hour, 12 minutes, 37 seconds into "The Crying Game".
e. When she is using her teeth.
3: Any man who brings a camera to a bucks party may be legally killed
and eaten by his mates.
4: Unless he murdered someone in your family, you must bail a friend
out of jail within 12 hours.
5: If you've known a guy for more than 24 hours, his sister is off
limits forever unless you actually marry her.
6: Moaning about the brand of free beer in a mates fridge is
forbidden. However complain at will if the temperature is unsuitable.
7: No man shall ever be required to buy a birthday present for another
man. In fact, even remembering your mates birthday is strictly optional.
8: On a road trip, the strongest bladder determines pit stops, not the weakest.
9: When stumbling upon other guys watching a sporting event, you may
ask the score of the game in progress, but you may never ask who's playing.
10: You may flatulate in front of a woman only after you have brought
her to climax. If you trap her head under the covers for the purpose
of flatulent entertainment, she's officially your girlfriend.
11: It is permissible to drink a fruity alcohol drink only when you're
sunning on a tropical beach... and it's delivered by a topless model
and only when it's free.
12: Only in situations of moral and/or physical peril are you allowed
to kick another guy in the nuts.
13: Unless you're in prison, never fight naked.
14: Friends don't let friends wear Speedos, Ever! Issue closed.
15: If a man's fly is down, that's his problem, you didn't see anything.
16: Women who claim they "love to watch sports" must be treated as
spies until they demonstrate knowledge of the game and the ability to
drink as much as the other sports watchers.
17: A man in the company of a hot, suggestively dressed woman must
remain sober enough to fight.
18: Never hesitate to reach for the last beer or the last slice of
pizza, but not both, that's just greedy.
19: If you compliment a guy on his six-pack, you'd better be talking
about his choice of beer.
20: Never join your girlfriend or wife in discussing a friend of
yours, except if she's withholding sex pending your response.
21: Phrases that may NOT be uttered to another man while lifting weights:
a. Yeah, Baby, Push it!
b. C'mon, give me one more! Harder!
c. Another set and we can hit the showers!
22: Never talk to a man in a bathroom unless you are on equal footing:
i.e., both urinating, both waiting in line, etc. For all other
situations, an almost imperceptible nod is all the conversation you need.
23: Never allow a telephone conversation with a woman to go on longer
than you are able to have sex with her. Keep a stopwatch by the phone.
Hang up if necessary.
24: The morning after you and a girl who was formerly "just a friend"
have carnal drunken monkey sex, the fact that you're feeling weird and
guilty is no reason for you not to nail each other again before the
discussion about what a big mistake it was occurs.
25: It is acceptable for you to drive her car. It is not acceptable
for her to drive yours.
26: Thou shall not buy a car in the colours of brown, pink, lime
green, orange or sky blue.
27: The girl who replies to the question "What do you want for
Christmas?" with "If you loved me, you'd know what I want!" gets an Xbox.
End of story.
28: There is no reason for guys to watch Ice Skating or Men's
Gymnastics. Ever!
29. If you walk into a bathroom and a man is using one of the urinals,
you must have at least 1 urinal spaced between the two of you. No exceptions!
We've all heard about people having guts or balls. But do you really
know the difference between them? In an effort to keep you informed,
the definition of each is listed below.
GUTS - is arriving home late after a night out with the guys, being
assaulted by your wife with a broom, and having the guts to ask, "Are
you still cleaning or are you flying somewhere?"
BALLS - is coming home late after a night out with the guys smelling
of perfume and beer, lipstick on your collar, slapping your wife on
the backside and having the balls to say, "You're next!"
We hope this clears up any confusion.
*/International Council of Manhood/*
M
MonoTurd
Guest
a maori walks into a jewelers store and starts fingering his arsehole. all of the customers are absolutly disgusted and start leaving. at this point the jeweler asks "excuse me sir, what the hell are you doing?"
"what?" replies the maori and innocently points to a sign in the door that says:
come in and pick your ring in confidence.
"what?" replies the maori and innocently points to a sign in the door that says:
come in and pick your ring in confidence.
E
..::ERIC::..
Guest
Donald Rumsfeld is giving the president his daily briefing. He concludes by saying, "Yesterday, 3 Brazilian soldiers were killed in an accident."
"OH DEAR GOD NO," Bush exclaims. "That's terrible!!"
His staff sits stunned at this display of emotion, nervously watching as the president sits, head in hands. Finally, the President, devastated, looks up and asks, "How many is a Brazillion??!"
"OH DEAR GOD NO," Bush exclaims. "That's terrible!!"
His staff sits stunned at this display of emotion, nervously watching as the president sits, head in hands. Finally, the President, devastated, looks up and asks, "How many is a Brazillion??!"
E
el_tk
Guest
2 sausages and a fried egg sit sizzling in a frying pan.
The egg turns to the sausages and says
'Hey guys, getting hot in here isn't it?'
1 sausage turns to the other and says
"Bloody hell! A talking egg!"
The egg turns to the sausages and says
'Hey guys, getting hot in here isn't it?'
1 sausage turns to the other and says
"Bloody hell! A talking egg!"
C
Candyman
Guest
WHY WE SPLIT UP...
She told me we couldn't afford beer at $25.00 a case anymore and I'd have to quit drinking. Then I caught her spending $65.00 on make-up, and I asked her how come I had to give up stuff and she didn't. She said she needed the make-up to look pretty for me.
I told her that's what the beer was for.
I don't think she's coming back.....
She told me we couldn't afford beer at $25.00 a case anymore and I'd have to quit drinking. Then I caught her spending $65.00 on make-up, and I asked her how come I had to give up stuff and she didn't. She said she needed the make-up to look pretty for me.
I told her that's what the beer was for.
I don't think she's coming back.....
E
..::ERIC::..
Guest
A woman was shopping at her local supermarket where she selected:
a half-gallon of 2% milk
a carton of eggs
a quart of orange juice
a head of romaine lettuce
a 2 lb. can of coffee
a 1 lb. package of bacon
As she was unloading her items onto the conveyor belt to check out, a drunk standing behind her was watching.
While the cashier was ringing up her purchases, the drunk calmly stated, "You must be single."
The woman was a bit startled by this proclamation, but she was intrigued by the derelict's intuition, since she was indeed single. She looked at her six items on the belt and saw nothing particularly unusual about her selections that could have tipped of the drunk to her marital status. Curiosity getting the better of her, she said, "Well, you know what, you're absolutely correct. But how on Earth did you know that?"
The drunk replied, "'Cuz you're ugly"
a half-gallon of 2% milk
a carton of eggs
a quart of orange juice
a head of romaine lettuce
a 2 lb. can of coffee
a 1 lb. package of bacon
As she was unloading her items onto the conveyor belt to check out, a drunk standing behind her was watching.
While the cashier was ringing up her purchases, the drunk calmly stated, "You must be single."
The woman was a bit startled by this proclamation, but she was intrigued by the derelict's intuition, since she was indeed single. She looked at her six items on the belt and saw nothing particularly unusual about her selections that could have tipped of the drunk to her marital status. Curiosity getting the better of her, she said, "Well, you know what, you're absolutely correct. But how on Earth did you know that?"
The drunk replied, "'Cuz you're ugly"
A
ak47
Guest
Whats the best thing about fingering a Gypsy on her periods
v
v
v
v
v
v
v
v
v
v
v
v
v
v
v
Getting your palm read for free
v
v
v
v
v
v
v
v
v
v
v
v
v
v
v
Getting your palm read for free
T
THE CHIROPRACTOR101
Guest
old joke....
there was a bear and a rabbit in the forrest both takin a ****...the bear goes to the rabbit.."do you have a problem with **** on your hair"?..the rabbit replied "no..i dont"..so the bear wiped his ass with the rabbit
heres an older joke: rassie
there was a bear and a rabbit in the forrest both takin a ****...the bear goes to the rabbit.."do you have a problem with **** on your hair"?..the rabbit replied "no..i dont"..so the bear wiped his ass with the rabbit
heres an older joke: rassie
T
tituslechmakus
Guest
2 guys are in the desert and one of them get bitten by a rattle snake on the dick. while he's laying on the ground his friend phones a doc ... doc, my friend has been bitten by a snake, what must i do ? the doc awnsers : you've got to suck the poison out ... and the laying guy says :hey what did the doc say ? his friend : you're gona die.
this one is rather horrible :
a class of young children is at the swimming pool for a lesson. the swimming teacher asks the children who knows how to swim. nobody awnsers except a little boy with no arm.
the teacher : you know how to swim but how could it be ?
the little boy : oh ! i go very often to the sea with my father ...
the teacher : and was it hard for you to learn ?
the boy : oh no ! the hardest is to get out of the bag !!!
this one is rather horrible :
a class of young children is at the swimming pool for a lesson. the swimming teacher asks the children who knows how to swim. nobody awnsers except a little boy with no arm.
the teacher : you know how to swim but how could it be ?
the little boy : oh ! i go very often to the sea with my father ...
the teacher : and was it hard for you to learn ?
the boy : oh no ! the hardest is to get out of the bag !!!
A
ak47
Guest
U2 Concert
>
>
>
>
>At a U2 concert in Glasgow,Scotland Bono asked the audience for some
>quiet.
>
>Then in the silence, he started to slowly clap his hands.
>
>Holding the audience in total silence, he said into the microphone
>
>"Every time I clap my hands, a child in Africa dies
>
>A voice from near the front pierced the silence
>
>"Well, stop f#cking clapping then ."
>
>
>
>
>At a U2 concert in Glasgow,Scotland Bono asked the audience for some
>quiet.
>
>Then in the silence, he started to slowly clap his hands.
>
>Holding the audience in total silence, he said into the microphone
>
>"Every time I clap my hands, a child in Africa dies
>
>A voice from near the front pierced the silence
>
>"Well, stop f#cking clapping then ."
W
wigan_rlfc
Guest
Quasimodo walks into a pub and asks for a glass of Whisky.
The barman asks, 'Is Bell's alright'
Quasimodo replies 'Mind your own f***in buisiness'!
The barman asks, 'Is Bell's alright'
Quasimodo replies 'Mind your own f***in buisiness'!
I
InsaneAsylum
Guest
my mate told me this one on the weekend.
Q. what do you call a maori with one leg shorter than the other?
A. not even ow
Q. what do you call a maori with one leg shorter than the other?
A. not even ow
S
sambãd5
Guest
Good
A New Plymouth Traffic Patrol Cop was watching for speeders with a mobile radar gun, but wasn't getting many. Then he discovered the problem. A 12-year-old boy was standing up the road with a hand painted sign, which read "RADAR TRAP AHEAD".
The officer then found a young accomplice down the road with a sign reading "TIPS" and a bucket full of money (and we used to just sell lemonade)?
Better
A motorist was mailed a picture of his car speeding through a pole mounted Speed camera in Otago with a fine of $160 included.
Being cute, he sent the police department a picture of $160.
The police responded with another mailed photo of handcuffs.
Best
A young woman was pulled over for speeding. As a Central Otago Cop walked to her car window, flipping open his ticket book, she said, "I bet you are going to sell me a ticket to the Central Otago Police Ball".
He replied, "Central Otago Police don't have balls."
There was a moment of silence while she smiled, and he realised what he's just said. He then closed his book, got back in his patrol car and left.
She was laughing too hard to start her car.
......................
whats blue and white and goes fast? a fridge with jeans on falling out of a tree.
why did the hand fall out of the tree? it was connected to the fridge.
why did the postman fall off his bike? he got hit with a fridge.
A New Plymouth Traffic Patrol Cop was watching for speeders with a mobile radar gun, but wasn't getting many. Then he discovered the problem. A 12-year-old boy was standing up the road with a hand painted sign, which read "RADAR TRAP AHEAD".
The officer then found a young accomplice down the road with a sign reading "TIPS" and a bucket full of money (and we used to just sell lemonade)?
Better
A motorist was mailed a picture of his car speeding through a pole mounted Speed camera in Otago with a fine of $160 included.
Being cute, he sent the police department a picture of $160.
The police responded with another mailed photo of handcuffs.
Best
A young woman was pulled over for speeding. As a Central Otago Cop walked to her car window, flipping open his ticket book, she said, "I bet you are going to sell me a ticket to the Central Otago Police Ball".
He replied, "Central Otago Police don't have balls."
There was a moment of silence while she smiled, and he realised what he's just said. He then closed his book, got back in his patrol car and left.
She was laughing too hard to start her car.
......................
whats blue and white and goes fast? a fridge with jeans on falling out of a tree.
why did the hand fall out of the tree? it was connected to the fridge.
why did the postman fall off his bike? he got hit with a fridge.
B
Bull
Guest
The Ventriloquist
A ventriloquist visiting Australia walks into a small outback village and sees a local sitting on his porch patting his dog. He figures he'll have a little fun, so he says to the Aussie
"Hey, mind if I talk to your dog?"
Villager: "The dog doesn't talk, stupid "
Ventriloquist: "Hello dog, how's it going mate?"
Dog: "Doin' all right."
Aussi: (look of extreme shock)
Ventriloquist: "Is this villager your owner?" (pointing at the villager)
Dog: "Yep"
Ventriloquist: "How does he treat you?"
Dog: "Real good. He walks me twice a day, feeds me great food and takes me to the lake once a week to play. "
Aussi: (look of utter disbelief)
Ventriloquist: "Mind if I talk to your horse? "
Aussi: "Uh, the horse don't talk either. . . . I think. "
Ventriloquist: "Hey horse, how's it going? "
Horse: "Cool"
Aussi: (absolutely dumbfounded, "as most Ozzys look)
Ventriloquist: "Is this your owner?" (pointing at the villager)
Horse: "Yep"
Ventriloquist: How does he treat you?
Horse: "Pretty good, thanks for asking. He rides me regularly, brushes me down often and keeps me in the barn to protect me from the elements.
Aussi: (total look of amazement)
Ventriloquist: "Mind if I talk to your sheep?"
Aussi: (in a panic) "The sheep's a liar. "
A ventriloquist visiting Australia walks into a small outback village and sees a local sitting on his porch patting his dog. He figures he'll have a little fun, so he says to the Aussie
"Hey, mind if I talk to your dog?"
Villager: "The dog doesn't talk, stupid "
Ventriloquist: "Hello dog, how's it going mate?"
Dog: "Doin' all right."
Aussi: (look of extreme shock)
Ventriloquist: "Is this villager your owner?" (pointing at the villager)
Dog: "Yep"
Ventriloquist: "How does he treat you?"
Dog: "Real good. He walks me twice a day, feeds me great food and takes me to the lake once a week to play. "
Aussi: (look of utter disbelief)
Ventriloquist: "Mind if I talk to your horse? "
Aussi: "Uh, the horse don't talk either. . . . I think. "
Ventriloquist: "Hey horse, how's it going? "
Horse: "Cool"
Aussi: (absolutely dumbfounded, "as most Ozzys look)
Ventriloquist: "Is this your owner?" (pointing at the villager)
Horse: "Yep"
Ventriloquist: How does he treat you?
Horse: "Pretty good, thanks for asking. He rides me regularly, brushes me down often and keeps me in the barn to protect me from the elements.
Aussi: (total look of amazement)
Ventriloquist: "Mind if I talk to your sheep?"
Aussi: (in a panic) "The sheep's a liar. "
O
O'Rothlain
Guest
My grandfather always said, "Don't watch your money; watch your health." So one day while I was watching my health, someone stole my money. It was my grandfather.
S
sambãd5
Guest
Three men were sitting together bragging about how they had given their new wives duties.
Terry had married a woman from America, and bragged that he had told his wife she was going to do all the dishes and housework. He said that it took a couple days but on the third day he came home to a clean house and the dishes were all washed and put away.
Jimmie had married a woman from Canada He bragged that he had given his wife orders that she was to do all the cleaning, dishes, and the cooking. He told them that the first day he didn't see any results, but the next day it was better. By the third day, his house was clean, the dishes were done, and he had a huge dinner on the table.
The third man had married a New Zealand girl. He boasted that he told her that her duties were to keep the house cleaned, dishes washed, lawn mowed, laundry washed and hot meals on the table for every meal. He said the first day he didn't see anything, the second day he didn't see anything, but by the third day most of the swelling had gone down and he could see a little out of his left eye. Enough to fix himself a bite to eat, load the dishwasher, and call a landscaper.
God Bless New Zealand Women.....
Terry had married a woman from America, and bragged that he had told his wife she was going to do all the dishes and housework. He said that it took a couple days but on the third day he came home to a clean house and the dishes were all washed and put away.
Jimmie had married a woman from Canada He bragged that he had given his wife orders that she was to do all the cleaning, dishes, and the cooking. He told them that the first day he didn't see any results, but the next day it was better. By the third day, his house was clean, the dishes were done, and he had a huge dinner on the table.
The third man had married a New Zealand girl. He boasted that he told her that her duties were to keep the house cleaned, dishes washed, lawn mowed, laundry washed and hot meals on the table for every meal. He said the first day he didn't see anything, the second day he didn't see anything, but by the third day most of the swelling had gone down and he could see a little out of his left eye. Enough to fix himself a bite to eat, load the dishwasher, and call a landscaper.
God Bless New Zealand Women.....
S
SaintsFan_Webby
Guest
Rugby definitions - What rugby terms really mean!
Foul Play - what the other side do. If your side do it, it's called ‘using your initiative'.
Ruck - informal, impromptu get-together for forwards and a few close friends.
Mark - if you can cleanly catch a ball kicked several hundred feet in the air within your own 22 metre line and call ‘mark' while the entire other side is pounding towards you intent on doing you damage, you can have a free kick. You deserve it.
Offside - a natural break in the play called by the referee every 35 seconds to let everyone get their breath back.
Advantage: The situation when a referee decides to allow play to continue and not blow for an obvious transgression immediately, due to a mistaken impression that it somehow benefits a team.
Blindside: The term used to describe the referee's inability to see a foul committed. Following a technique refined by former All Black hooker and captain Sean Fitzpatrick that allowed him to commit a foul usually in a ruck or maul at the very moment that the referee turned his back to check on the offside line.
Openside Flanker: It is this player who, when approaching the end of a Cup Final, assumes the role of Scrum Half and puts the ball into the scrum.
Cap: Compulsory headgear bearing sponsor's logo worn at post-match interviews.
Conversion: The situation when a Welshmen remembers that he's Welsh after he has been ignored by the All Black/Australian/South African/English selectors.
Free kick: The punishment for lying on the wrong side of a ruck of maul.
Grubber: Mistimed drop kick from anywhere on the field.
Goose step: Change in running style from a sprint to high kicking in order to slow down a defender only to sprint once defender has slowed down. First used by David Campese when, sprinting down the touchline, he saw dogsh*t lying in his path and tried to avoid getting his new boots dirty.
Laws: Rugby has laws, not rules; therefore it is that which you have to disobey in full view of the referee in order to be punished.
Maul: Free-for-all brawl where the ball is kept in the air. See ruck (1).
Offside (as in offside line): an imaginary line passing through a ball without puncturing it.
Referee's Assistant: The role pioneered by a Mr M. Dawson and a Mr A. Healey at Tigers vs Saints matches.
Ruck (1): Free-for-all brawl where the ball is placed on the ground. See maul.
Ruck (2): Accidental stepping on an opponent lying in an offside position.
Sidestep: a manoeuvre perfected by South African rugby administrators to avoid choosing black players.
Sinbin: a tactic used by some referees to increase their impact on the outcome of a game.
Try: The verb used to describe what the Scotland do every year in the Six Nations, often with little or no success.
Up-and-under: (an integral calculus term in rugby competitions) the inversion of global geographics - the southern hemisphere teams are usually ‘up', while the northern hemisphere teams are usually ‘under'.
Wing (1): Northern hemisphere - extra defender.
Wing (2): Southern hemisphere - top try scorer.
International call-up: The invitation to Twickenham that Rugby League players receive along with their first pay packet.
Prop: Front row position that has finally solves the mystery of who did actually eat all of the pies.
Sevens: An abreviated version of the 15 man game. This shorter version is preferred by front row players as they invariably spend the whole game in the bar and not on the pitch.
Side Step: A manouvre whereby the attacking player attempts to avoid a defender my means of a brief horizontal, rather than lateral movement across the field of play. The side step has recently been adopted by some defending players as a means of avoiding serious injury when faced with the sight of a 16 stone dreadlocked Samoan running towards them.
Premiership Referee: Commonly these are failed players who still have a chip on their shoulder. The sort of people that even mothers might struggle to love. (see also: Media, the)
Rugby League: Version of rugby commonly played in the North of England. The teams consist of 13 players on each side. This is largely due to the number of wingers moving to Rugby Union, resulting in a player shortage in the Super League.
Foul Play - what the other side do. If your side do it, it's called ‘using your initiative'.
Ruck - informal, impromptu get-together for forwards and a few close friends.
Mark - if you can cleanly catch a ball kicked several hundred feet in the air within your own 22 metre line and call ‘mark' while the entire other side is pounding towards you intent on doing you damage, you can have a free kick. You deserve it.
Offside - a natural break in the play called by the referee every 35 seconds to let everyone get their breath back.
Advantage: The situation when a referee decides to allow play to continue and not blow for an obvious transgression immediately, due to a mistaken impression that it somehow benefits a team.
Blindside: The term used to describe the referee's inability to see a foul committed. Following a technique refined by former All Black hooker and captain Sean Fitzpatrick that allowed him to commit a foul usually in a ruck or maul at the very moment that the referee turned his back to check on the offside line.
Openside Flanker: It is this player who, when approaching the end of a Cup Final, assumes the role of Scrum Half and puts the ball into the scrum.
Cap: Compulsory headgear bearing sponsor's logo worn at post-match interviews.
Conversion: The situation when a Welshmen remembers that he's Welsh after he has been ignored by the All Black/Australian/South African/English selectors.
Free kick: The punishment for lying on the wrong side of a ruck of maul.
Grubber: Mistimed drop kick from anywhere on the field.
Goose step: Change in running style from a sprint to high kicking in order to slow down a defender only to sprint once defender has slowed down. First used by David Campese when, sprinting down the touchline, he saw dogsh*t lying in his path and tried to avoid getting his new boots dirty.
Laws: Rugby has laws, not rules; therefore it is that which you have to disobey in full view of the referee in order to be punished.
Maul: Free-for-all brawl where the ball is kept in the air. See ruck (1).
Offside (as in offside line): an imaginary line passing through a ball without puncturing it.
Referee's Assistant: The role pioneered by a Mr M. Dawson and a Mr A. Healey at Tigers vs Saints matches.
Ruck (1): Free-for-all brawl where the ball is placed on the ground. See maul.
Ruck (2): Accidental stepping on an opponent lying in an offside position.
Sidestep: a manoeuvre perfected by South African rugby administrators to avoid choosing black players.
Sinbin: a tactic used by some referees to increase their impact on the outcome of a game.
Try: The verb used to describe what the Scotland do every year in the Six Nations, often with little or no success.
Up-and-under: (an integral calculus term in rugby competitions) the inversion of global geographics - the southern hemisphere teams are usually ‘up', while the northern hemisphere teams are usually ‘under'.
Wing (1): Northern hemisphere - extra defender.
Wing (2): Southern hemisphere - top try scorer.
International call-up: The invitation to Twickenham that Rugby League players receive along with their first pay packet.
Prop: Front row position that has finally solves the mystery of who did actually eat all of the pies.
Sevens: An abreviated version of the 15 man game. This shorter version is preferred by front row players as they invariably spend the whole game in the bar and not on the pitch.
Side Step: A manouvre whereby the attacking player attempts to avoid a defender my means of a brief horizontal, rather than lateral movement across the field of play. The side step has recently been adopted by some defending players as a means of avoiding serious injury when faced with the sight of a 16 stone dreadlocked Samoan running towards them.
Premiership Referee: Commonly these are failed players who still have a chip on their shoulder. The sort of people that even mothers might struggle to love. (see also: Media, the)
Rugby League: Version of rugby commonly played in the North of England. The teams consist of 13 players on each side. This is largely due to the number of wingers moving to Rugby Union, resulting in a player shortage in the Super League.
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