Make me Laugh, TRF

[SelimNiai]

Why do elephants paint their balls red?
So they can hide in cherry trees.

Have you ever seen an elephant in a cherry tree?
See. It works.

What is the loudest sound in the jungle?
Giraffes eating cherries.

 

[Sker]

Two farmers were sitting in doctor's waiting room in a small town outside Pretoria, while they were waiting they decided to read through the magazines. The one farmer was reading Farmer's Weekly and the other one was trying the Cosmopolitan.

After a while the farmer that was busy reading the Cosmo looked up and nudged the farmer next to him.

"Hey Piet, what's a clitoris?"

The other farmer put down his magazine and looked up at the ceiling thoughtfully before replying:

"I dunno Jannie, I've always been a Toyota man"

 

[M Two One]

Unfortunately, I'm sure that this map is only slightly exaggerated.

I remember at my first job, we were closing up one night and I was talking with a few co-workers. We asked the cashier if she could name at least one country in Africa. Her response was, "but I thought Africa was a country."

 

[Me 1]

Unfortunately, I'm sure that this map is only slightly exaggerated.

I remember at my first job, we were closing up one night and I was talking with a few co-workers. We asked the cashier if she could name at least one country in Africa. Her response was, "but I thought Africa was a country."

Hahahaha and people thought it was a stereotype

 

[Groundhog]

they havent marked cyprus

 

[TNT88]

I remember at my first job, we were closing up one night and I was talking with a few co-workers. We asked the cashier if she could name at least one country in Africa. Her response was, "but I thought Africa was a country."

This is old, but maybe some people haven't seen it lol:

 

[M Two One]

they havent marked cyprus

I'm sure that most people here have never heard of the country, but if I were to point it out to them, I'm sure most would think it belongs to Turkey.

This is old, but maybe some people haven't seen it lol:

Still hilarious.

When I worked at a Sports Authority with a few of my friends—one of which (Adam) is originally from Scotland—we used to mess with people like that all the time. Depending on who was working, if we had our favorite manager closing then we were guaranteed a few laughs.

One the best things was a play on accents. We would wait for someone to come up to Adam and ask for help, which would (I'd say 90% of the time) end up with the person asking him where he's originally from. After he tells them, he goes on helping them and slowly turns his accent into an Australian one, where the customer would then ask him if he'd changed his accent. He'd say no. He would continue doing this, eventually ending up with a Geordie accent, which would of course confuse the hell out of everyone. The customer would get frustrated, so I'd come over to "help" using either a really poor French or Russian accent (I'm quite good at both) and the customer would either leave or go looking for my manager to complain about "foreign people." If they went to my manager, he would know the drill, so if the person was a real dick he'd reply with "qué?"

When it came time to close the store and customers were at the register making their final purchases, Adam would go on the intercom to do the "final selections and closing" comments, only he'd do it like Sean Connery. One time we actually had this older woman get all excited because she was a big fan of his and asked if she could stay to meet him. Alas, we had to kick her out, not literally of course.

What I enjoyed doing was attempting to see how much people actually knew about the world. Some people had the most twisted views on just about everything. One of the best ones was this woman in her forties that told me she would never go to Europe because it is so "run down and filthy." When I asked her about the French, she said something to the extent of "those people are all anti-American, I seen it on TV! They need to stop bombing the embassy." When I asked which one, her response was, "one what?" She didn't know there was more than one American embassy in the world.

Then there was this younger guy that was hot-headed about the French. He went off about how they never did anything for us, how they apparently steal our money, plot to kill president Bush, and that they have always been our "mortal enemies." Upon learning that cities in Illinois are named after French cities and explorers, he started to become aggressive with me and kept going on about how they never gave us anything important. I felt it was right to remind him at that point about the Statue of Liberty, to which he said wasn't true. I asked him where we got it from, he said that we made it ourselves, but then corrected himself and said that it was (I'm not kidding you) "a gift from the British after we took our land from the French."

I have more, but I think that's enough to read for now.

 

[Me 1]

I'm sure that most people here have never heard of the country, but if I were to point it out to them, I'm sure most would think it belongs to Turkey.



Still hilarious.

When I worked at a Sports Authority with a few of my friends—one of which (Adam) is originally from Scotland—we used to mess with people like that all the time. Depending on who was working, if we had our favorite manager closing then we were guaranteed a few laughs.

One the best things was a play on accents. We would wait for someone to come up to Adam and ask for help, which would (I'd say 90% of the time) end up with the person asking him where he's originally from. After he tells them, he goes on helping them and slowly turns his accent into an Australian one, where the customer would then ask him if he'd changed his accent. He'd say no. He would continue doing this, eventually ending up with a Geordie accent, which would of course confuse the hell out of everyone. The customer would get frustrated, so I'd come over to "help" using either a really poor French or Russian accent (I'm quite good at both) and the customer would either leave or go looking for my manager to complain about "foreign people." If they went to my manager, he would know the drill, so if the person was a real dick he'd reply with "qué?"

When it came time to close the store and customers were at the register making their final purchases, Adam would go on the intercom to do the "final selections and closing" comments, only he'd do it like Sean Connery. One time we actually had this older woman get all excited because she was a big fan of his and asked if she could stay to meet him. Alas, we had to kick her out, not literally of course.

What I enjoyed doing was attempting to see how much people actually knew about the world. Some people had the most twisted views on just about everything. One of the best ones was this woman in her forties that told me she would never go to Europe because it is so "run down and filthy." When I asked her about the French, she said something to the extent of "those people are all anti-American, I seen it on TV! They need to stop bombing the embassy." When I asked which one, her response was, "one what?" She didn't know there was more than one American embassy in the world.

Then there was this younger guy that was hot-headed about the French. He went off about how they never did anything for us, how they apparently steal our money, plot to kill president Bush, and that they have always been our "mortal enemies." Upon learning that cities in Illinois are named after French cities and explorers, he started to become aggressive with me and kept going on about how they never gave us anything important. I felt it was right to remind him at that point about the Statue of Liberty, to which he said wasn't true. I asked him where we got it from, he said that we made it ourselves, but then corrected himself and said that it was (I'm not kidding you) "a gift from the British after we took our land from the French."

I have more, but I think that's enough to read for now.

I know someone who thought Dubai was in Scotland.........

 

[TRF_Ezequiel]

For years my mother thought that Lockerbie was the capitol of Libya

 

[Seaton]

There are some real dumb ones out there. Blonde at my school had many pearlers, such as:

An exam was 200 marks in 2 hours.
"Oh good, a mark a minute"

She genuinely asked if Earth was a planet, and thought South Africa was the continent whilst Africa a country.

"You divide by negative zero"

English teacher: What is a word meaning a long journey that starts with an 'O'
Answer: Voyage

In plastics, you ken that you get 'PET', PP and stuff? Well we had a list of these things, and obviously there are a helluva lot of them, but a handful of them are by far the most common, with all the small ones clumped into an 'OTHER' group.

So she had the audacity to ask what 'OTHER' stands for. :/

How she got higher maths marks than me, I'll never know.

Warning- contains boasting.
Show me an unmarked map, ask where any independant country in the world is (and a shed-load of island dependancies) and I can point it out. B)
Boasting over.

 

[TRF_heineken]

Dunno if anyone told this one yet, but I can't stop laughing:

When is the only time a normal length man is allowed to beat up a midget??

When he dances with your Wife/Fiancee/Girlfriend and tells her, her hair smells nice...

 

[M Two One]

There are some real dumb ones out there. Blonde at my school had many pearlers, such as:

An exam was 200 marks in 2 hours.
"Oh good, a mark a minute"

She genuinely asked if Earth was a planet, and thought South Africa was the continent whilst Africa a country.

"You divide by negative zero"

English teacher: What is a word meaning a long journey that starts with an 'O'
Answer: Voyage

In plastics, you ken that you get 'PET', PP and stuff? Well we had a list of these things, and obviously there are a helluva lot of them, but a handful of them are by far the most common, with all the small ones clumped into an 'OTHER' group.

So she had the audacity to ask what 'OTHER' stands for. :/

How she got higher maths marks than me, I'll never know.

Warning- contains boasting.
Show me an unmarked map, ask where any independant country in the world is (and a shed-load of island dependancies) and I can point it out. B)
Boasting over.

What a ditz.

Go ahead and boast, at least you and I can. B)

 

[Me 1]

Warning- contains boasting.
Show me an unmarked map, ask where any independant country in the world is (and a shed-load of island dependancies) and I can point it out. B)
Boasting over.

I'll take you up on that!
http://www.sporcle.com/games/g/world

 

[M Two One]

I'll take you up on that!
http://www.sporcle.com/games/g/world

I got 152 out of 196. I couldn't see anything towards the end though, so I missed a few obvious ones. It would be better if the countries would highlight instead of placing a gigantic green block on top for the smaller countries (sometimes nowhere near the country listed).

 

[Seaton]

I'll take you up on that!
http://www.sporcle.com/games/g/world

I only got 156 but I have some objections to this finding, in addition to the only having 15 minutes to do this.

A) My claim to fame was that if you named a country, I could point it out or tell you where in the world it is, not list them all without error.
B ) This test is like school, testing how fast you know things as opposed to how well.
C) I type slowly, poorly and like a monkey.
D) I cannae speel some countries to save my life, see: Bahamas- The Bahamas (okay for this one I always thought the 'The' was official), Venezuela- Venezeula, Liechtenstein- Lichtenstein, Nicaragua- Niciragua, Philippines- Phillipines, Bosnia and Herzegovina- Herzgovina, Djibouti- Dijibouti, Comoros- Comaros, Kyrgyzstan- Kuyrgistan (Any English speaking man who can spell this off-hand, I take my hat off to you)
E) As M Two One stated, the way it indicates which things you have answered covers up some unanswered countries, I lost out on Burundi, Saint Lucia, El Salvador and Turkmenistan because of this, also had to spend precious time contemplating if the blocks cover any countries.
F) They should have Western Sahara, even if it is a dubiously claimed desert-hole.
G) I worked from left to right, saving myself the embarrasment of off-hand only remembering a handful of Polynesian states.
H) I missed out the wee island to Britains west :wub:

My claim still stands.

 

[Me 1]

I only got 156 but I have some objections to this finding, in addition to the only having 15 minutes to do this.

A) My claim to fame was that if you named a country, I could point it out or tell you where in the world it is, not list them all without error.
B ) This test is like school, testing how fast you know things as opposed to how well.
C) I type slowly, poorly and like a monkey.
D) I cannae speel some countries to save my life, see: Bahamas- The Bahamas (okay for this one I always thought the 'The' was official), Venezuela- Venezeula, Liechtenstein- Lichtenstein, Nicaragua- Niciragua, Philippines- Phillipines, Bosnia and Herzegovina- Herzgovina, Djibouti- Dijibouti, Comoros- Comaros, Kyrgyzstan- Kuyrgistan (Any English speaking man who can spell this off-hand, I take my hat off to you)
E) As M Two One stated, the way it indicates which things you have answered covers up some unanswered countries, I lost out on Burundi, Saint Lucia, El Salvador and Turkmenistan because of this, also had to spend precious time contemplating if the blocks cover any countries.
F) They should have Western Sahara, even if it is a dubiously claimed desert-hole.
G) I worked from left to right, saving myself the embarrasment of off-hand only remembering a handful of Polynesian states.


My claim still stands.

Pitcairn Island! (Even I don't know where that is....)

 

[Seaton]

Pitcairn Island! (Even I don't know where that is....)

Not an independant country as far as I know, think it was this island or another that is known as 'Incest Isle'

What a lovely name for ones home, don't you think?

 

[lucky number 7]

Iceland.

 

[Me 1]

Not an independant country as far as I know, think it was this island or another that is known as 'Incest Isle'

What a lovely name for ones home, don't you think?

'Tis an island dependency though

How has this thread gone so off-topic:huh:

 

[Sker]

Not really, I chuckled at Incest Isle.

I doubt the mods would agree to renaming the thread "Make me Chuckle, TRF" though