B
Bullitt
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http://www.rugbynetwork.net/boards/read/s9...0,quote=1#REPLY
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http://www.rugbynetwork.net/boards/read/s9...81#msg-10179781
Oh that made I larf! :lol:
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Really cant wait to read the next instalment of the Hasks' "If i were chocolate, i'd eat myself" diary in the grauniad.
If you want a sneak preview, James writes...
"We had a long coach ride to a place where i heard dragons come from. I thought it was Narnia, but Grandpa Lol told me it wasn't, also this place is NOT where whales are exported from either. Some of the bigger boys made me sit at the front. I got travel sick and was given a bag and a tummy rub. Mathew Tait did colouring in.
They talk a bit quicker where we stayed and i can't work out what they're saying - they don't talk like the boys i went to school with. The hotel is scary, i can't sleep. All i heard one night was "Die, Die!". I didn't know it was the Hotels' hearing impaired night porter.
The bus ride to the <strike>milenyumm</strike> <strike>millennieum</strike> <strike>melemmyum</strike>, the ground was short, my dinner stayed down. My big scary teacher said being here is like being holed up in a bunker - thats why i wore my white golf shoes today.
I saw fire at the side of the pitch and thought those dragon had got in, i got scared. The mascot let me hold her hand, she's a nice girl.
Their players seemed bigger and looked nasty. I looked round for a friendly face and saw uncle Shaun. He told one of them to smash the **** of out me. I don't like him any more.
They were too rough for my liking. They didn't let me run around and after 13 minutes, i heard them say "make haskell tackle" and a big boy ran at me. I got knocked on my bum, and Mr Pask ran over and told me it was going to be ok. Mr Pask said i would be credited with a tackle.
There were lots of people singing, and it reminded me of when i saw Steps on my birthday. I had fun then. H is my favourite. When the singing was going on, I thought i would stand still and listen to them. Everyone else kept running round. It was like a christmas concert with every year group singing at the same time.
The bigger boys (5th form, i think) fell over a lot on the wet grass and the bullies in red had a pile on. By the time i got there (to ask them to stop), they were finished anyway. I'm glad i didn't fall over or get pushed that much, My shirt stayed whitest for longest, so my mum will be pleased.
I like the drinks we get after playtime, but i'm only allowed half the amount that the bigger boys get. I think mum told my teacher i'm a bed wetter.
A boy called Ryan asked if i wanted to swap shirts. i didn't recognise him til he turned round. I never saw his face for 80 mins, he seemed to run around me and whenever i tried to find him, i only saw a number 6...why does he do all those things i dont?
We've got a long bus ride back, and i've got a new teddy to curl up with. I hope the big boys don't stay up late like last time...i had to cry myself to sleep. Going away is always nice, but coming home to people who make you feel special and always say such nice things is great. I wish i knew more people who would do that, i'd like to surround myself with those...."[/b]
http://www.rugbynetwork.net/boards/read/s9...81#msg-10179781
Originally posted by GingerPrince at comeonyousaints.com
We got straight on the bus after the game, and people wanted to know why I was smiling so much. I showed them my new book. “Where’s Wally?†I shouted. “Brive†came the reply. “ I am. I always do, in and out, in and out†I responded. You don’t go to Wellington College to be found out like THAT. Halfwits…
We need to get a move if I am to go shopping with my mum today. Its Sunday, so only the shops are only open 10 ‘til 4. She thinks if I get new pants â€" brown ones â€" then Wallace, Heaslip and Ferris won’t know if they’ve scared it out of me or not.
We reviewed the game on the bus. I’m relieved. No yellow card this week. I changed my style of play to suit the Welsh. I though if I didn’t make a tackle or get near any contact area, I can’t be blamed for anything like I was last week. The man who balances slugs above his eyes didn’t say anything to me.
I continue to mystify and baffle people. I am still here despite technically being killed by their back row. I told my mum I was scared half to death twice and she said I should be dead (or is that just my career in England)? You see, that’s another accomplishment; cheating death. Right after cheating 70-odd thousand fans of their ticket price…
We made the shopping trip. When I got back, Mum said I could watch wasps and tigers. I jumped up and down shouting “yay’ as all 6ft plus, 17 stone heterosexual males do. I was allowed to eat my tea from a tray on my lap. I grabbed the remote and flicked to Discovery, channel 520. Mum changed it to sky sports for me, ‘cos I got jam on my hands when I squeezed the sandwiches too hard again.
I saw my friend Daniel Celebriani (2nd form) wearing his crash hat on the telly. I wear one ‘cos he wears one. I got a former model just after he got one; he’s hard to keep up with, though. I like hanging around with him, but now and again he runs off, but I always chase after him. One morning, I knocked on his door and asked if he was playing, he said he’d have to ask Kelly le Brock and I was to sit on the wall and wait. Anyway, I had to go home ‘cos mum says I need to be back when the street lights come on…
The game was ace. There was a man called Dan Leo playing and another called Dominic Waldouck. Mum gave me a sweetie when I said there were tigers, wasps, a duck and a lion on the field. And I saw a Cockerill on the side, too. I wish I were a lion. Mum says no chance, not this time…
When I made a list of all these animals, I started singing “Daddy’s taking us to the zoo todayâ€. I like singing. Some of my rugby friends have had a go too; Matt Stevens and his dad, Cat, Ben Foden was in Ben Folds Five, my mate Joe and his entire family have a brand new combine harvester that they’re happy to let people have a go in, and Thom Evans says he was in the Thompson twins. Sshh, though, they’re not really twins…
I could be a tribute act. Not a copy-cat (MORE animals), but a tribute act. Brian Moore off the telly reckons I’d be better off being a Richard Hill tribute, but he only had one hit years ago with “Ernieâ€. Mooreo says I sometimes run round chasing the ball like him at the end of the show.
A bully from Wellington College rang (bigger boy, deep voice) and said he noticed something over the weekend. When I played for England, we lost. When I didn’t play for wasps, they won. He said take the hint, whatever that means.
My pocket money seems to be running out. Mum says I need a job, quick smart. I like travelling and fancy a career abroad when I grow up, you know, being out in the fresh air. Daniel says he knows someone who can help me cherry-pick in France if I want to. He reckons it will be good for him to â€" I think he wants an international pen friend or something.
Editors note: No animals, or James Haskell were harmed in producing this diary. Pride may have been stung, but a little TLC and some TCP will do the trick, James.
Oh that made I larf! :lol:
