P
Prestwick
Guest
Many times over my short, yet illustrious life, people have asked me "Prestwick, how can I be just as good a fan as you?" or "Prestwick, how did you get your beard to be so awesome?" or "Prestwick, can you lift your feet up while I hoover?"
I have lots of time for questions people ask me, but one thing I could say when answering the first questions it to know the usual facial expressions that each fan has. They are all pretty varied and colourful but each nation's fanbase have unique facial expressions which, if you are colour blind or stuck in a place where jerseys are frowned upon, it is vital in order to assertain what nationality the fan supports.
And so, onto the guide!
EXPRESSION ONE: THE ANDREW ROBINSON
USED BY: ENGLAND FANS
England fans have a hard life, watching like a modern day Dick Dasterley all of their well laid plans turn to dust can be very frustrating especially with the sledging from other fans. Thus usually, England fans can use one of two facial expressions at their disposal. The first is the usual Andy Robinson "angry" face because, well, it is pretty damn annoying that England have picked Ballsack again and also, you'll probably be in the process of burping while pulling the face which only adds to the...angriness...
EXPRESSION TWO: THE MARTIN CORRY
USED BY: ENGLAND FANS
Other occassions which happen suddenly or by freak accident call for another expression entirely. One of shock, one of looking like one has been slapped in the face with a kipper. This calls for Martin Corry!
EXPRESS THREE: THE HAPPY BOK
USED BY: SOUTH AFRICAN FANS
Springboks tend to be a happy bunch of people, as long as they have a beer in their hands and a spicey sausage in the other, it could be Harlow Rams RFC vs Uzbekistan, they'd still cheer for the Boks and dance crazily when a 7ft, 20 stone Russian crashes over the line and is drunkenly mistaken for Bryan Habana.
EXPRESSION FOUR THE SLEEPY IRISHMAN
USED BY: IRISH FANS
Irish fans usually have it easily these days, they usually see off most opposition that dares come to Dublin and can win or at least push bloody hard abroad too. Then why is this poor fellow asleep then? Sadly it is a sleeping disorder brought on by a severe lack of silverware. Ireland have won so many triple crowns that they sell them in Tescos Ireland as dinner plate sets and with not much else to show for it, the fans are, well, just waiting for something exciting to happen other than yet another drubbing of England/Wales/Scotland.
EXPRESSION FIVE: THE NOCHOLANT MAORI
USED BY: KIWI/AUSSIE FANS
In the world today, there are those who are convinced that their "winning record" is at least, 12 inches longer than your "winning record" (or so theyclaim). Usually these guys have quick release trousers and boxers so they can infiltrate a crowd of opposition fans, drop their pants and proclaim loudly that "MY RECORD IS LONGER THAN YOURS! WOOOO!" before spilling Steinlager all over a poor 5 year old kid.
I have lots of time for questions people ask me, but one thing I could say when answering the first questions it to know the usual facial expressions that each fan has. They are all pretty varied and colourful but each nation's fanbase have unique facial expressions which, if you are colour blind or stuck in a place where jerseys are frowned upon, it is vital in order to assertain what nationality the fan supports.
And so, onto the guide!
EXPRESSION ONE: THE ANDREW ROBINSON
USED BY: ENGLAND FANS
England fans have a hard life, watching like a modern day Dick Dasterley all of their well laid plans turn to dust can be very frustrating especially with the sledging from other fans. Thus usually, England fans can use one of two facial expressions at their disposal. The first is the usual Andy Robinson "angry" face because, well, it is pretty damn annoying that England have picked Ballsack again and also, you'll probably be in the process of burping while pulling the face which only adds to the...angriness...
EXPRESSION TWO: THE MARTIN CORRY
USED BY: ENGLAND FANS
Other occassions which happen suddenly or by freak accident call for another expression entirely. One of shock, one of looking like one has been slapped in the face with a kipper. This calls for Martin Corry!
EXPRESS THREE: THE HAPPY BOK
USED BY: SOUTH AFRICAN FANS
Springboks tend to be a happy bunch of people, as long as they have a beer in their hands and a spicey sausage in the other, it could be Harlow Rams RFC vs Uzbekistan, they'd still cheer for the Boks and dance crazily when a 7ft, 20 stone Russian crashes over the line and is drunkenly mistaken for Bryan Habana.
EXPRESSION FOUR THE SLEEPY IRISHMAN
USED BY: IRISH FANS
Irish fans usually have it easily these days, they usually see off most opposition that dares come to Dublin and can win or at least push bloody hard abroad too. Then why is this poor fellow asleep then? Sadly it is a sleeping disorder brought on by a severe lack of silverware. Ireland have won so many triple crowns that they sell them in Tescos Ireland as dinner plate sets and with not much else to show for it, the fans are, well, just waiting for something exciting to happen other than yet another drubbing of England/Wales/Scotland.
EXPRESSION FIVE: THE NOCHOLANT MAORI
USED BY: KIWI/AUSSIE FANS
In the world today, there are those who are convinced that their "winning record" is at least, 12 inches longer than your "winning record" (or so theyclaim). Usually these guys have quick release trousers and boxers so they can infiltrate a crowd of opposition fans, drop their pants and proclaim loudly that "MY RECORD IS LONGER THAN YOURS! WOOOO!" before spilling Steinlager all over a poor 5 year old kid.
