Shocking reports have emerged from the small suburb of New Zealand that Wallabies hooker Steven Moore is planning to foil any hopes of an All Blacks World Cup semi-final victory on Sunday by throwing in his lineouts using a controversial underarm technique. The possibility of underarm lineouts is sure to result in All Blacks fans mimicking their heroes and choking on their breakfast, raising painful memories of the infamous 1981 cricket underarm bowling saga, but Wallabies coach Robbie Deans emphasised that times were desperate. “Win it comes to tists, enythung goes, end we just don’t wunt thim hutting us for sux!†Deans is expected to select several shorter players to take advantage of the lower throw-ins and negate the All Blacks’ aerial advantage, with rumours spreading he’s even called upon retired ex-captain George Gregan to start in the back-row, alongside Western Force reserve prop Matt Dunning, who will also be used for an intercept or field goal should the Wallabies be down by 4 points in the closing moments of the match. He’s also reportedly flown in former not-as-talented-as-his-brothers Australian cricketer Trevor Chappell to assist Moore with his underarm technique.
It’s a shocking blow for the All Blacks, who were already having to contend with Sonny Bill Williams preferring a previously arranged manicure session to playing in the match, and news that Madame Tussauds has run out of Dan Carter wax-model lookalikes to fill in at fly-half. However, New Zealand coach and hopeful Lord of the Rings extra Graham Henry said the Kiwis had a secret weapon of their own. “Yis sure, their choice usn’t choiceâ€, Henry said, cunningly stroking his eyebrows. “But no need to penic. I’ve organised Tum and Neil Funn to do a lep of the stadium and guv en unspurational rindution of ‘Something So Strong’ before the metch.†“Those Wallabie won’t know what hut thim.â€
It’s a shocking blow for the All Blacks, who were already having to contend with Sonny Bill Williams preferring a previously arranged manicure session to playing in the match, and news that Madame Tussauds has run out of Dan Carter wax-model lookalikes to fill in at fly-half. However, New Zealand coach and hopeful Lord of the Rings extra Graham Henry said the Kiwis had a secret weapon of their own. “Yis sure, their choice usn’t choiceâ€, Henry said, cunningly stroking his eyebrows. “But no need to penic. I’ve organised Tum and Neil Funn to do a lep of the stadium and guv en unspurational rindution of ‘Something So Strong’ before the metch.†“Those Wallabie won’t know what hut thim.â€
