S
stevemagoo
Guest
SOCIALISM: You have 2 cows, and you give one to your neighbour
COMMUNISM: You have 2 cows. The State takes both and gives you some
milk.
FASCISM: You have 2 cows. The State takes both and sells you some milk.
NAZISM: You have 2 cows. The State takes both and shoots you.
BUREAUCRATISE: You have 2 cows. The State takes both, shoots one, milks
the other, then throws the milk away...
TRADITIONAL CAPITALISM: You have two cows. You sell one and buy a bull.
Your herd multiplies, and the economy grows. You sell them and retire on
the income.
SURREALISM: You have two giraffes. The government requires you to take
harmonica lessons.
AN AMERICAN CORPORATION: You have two cows. You sell one, and force the
other to produce the milk of four cows. Later, you hire a consultant to
analyse why the cow has dropped dead.
ENRON VENTURE CAPITALISM: You have two cows. You sell three of them to
your publicly listed company, using letters of credit opened by your
brother-in-law at the bank,
then execute a debt/equity swap with an associated general offer so that
you get all four cows back, with a
tax exemption for five cows. The milk rights of the six cows are
transferred
via an intermediary to a Cayman Island Company secretly owned by the
majority shareholder who sells the rights to all seven cows back to
your listed company. The annual report says the company owns eight cows,
with
an option on one more. Sell one cow to buy a new President of the United
States, leaving you with nine cows. No balance sheet provided with the
release. The public buys your bull.
THE ANDERSEN MODEL: You have two cows. You shred them.
A FRENCH CORPORATION: You have two cows. You go on strike, organise a
riot, and block the roads, because you want three cows.
A JAPANESE CORPORATION: You have two cows. You redesign them so they are
one-tenth the size of an ordinary cow and produce twenty times the milk.
You then create a clever
cow cartoon image called 'cowkimon' and market it worldwide.
A GERMAN CORPORATION: You have two cows. You re-engineer them so they
live
for 100 years, eat once a month, and milk themselves.
AN ITALIAN CORPORATION: You have two cows, but you don't know where they
are. You decide to have lunch.
A RUSSIAN CORPORATION: You have two cows. You count them and learn you
have five cows. You count them again and learn you have 42 cows. You
count them again and learn you have 2 cows. You stop counting cows and
open
another bottle of vodka.
A SWISS CORPORATION: You have 5000 cows. None of them belong to you. You
charge the owners for storing them.
A CHINESE CORPORATION: You have two cows. You have 300 people milking
them. You claim that you have full employment, and high bovine
productivity, and arrest the newsman who reported the real situation.
AN INDIAN CORPORATION: You have two cows. You worship them.
A BRITISH CORPORATION: You have two cows. Both are mad.
IRAQI CORPORATION: Everyone thinks you have lots of cows. You tell them
that you have none. No-one believes you, so they bomb the **** out of
you
and invade your country. You still have no cows, but at least now you
are
part of a Democracy....
AUSTRALIAN CORPORATION: You have two cows. Business seems pretty good.
You close the office and go for a few beers to celebrate
WELSH CORPORATION: You have two cows. The one on the left looks very
attractive
COMMUNISM: You have 2 cows. The State takes both and gives you some
milk.
FASCISM: You have 2 cows. The State takes both and sells you some milk.
NAZISM: You have 2 cows. The State takes both and shoots you.
BUREAUCRATISE: You have 2 cows. The State takes both, shoots one, milks
the other, then throws the milk away...
TRADITIONAL CAPITALISM: You have two cows. You sell one and buy a bull.
Your herd multiplies, and the economy grows. You sell them and retire on
the income.
SURREALISM: You have two giraffes. The government requires you to take
harmonica lessons.
AN AMERICAN CORPORATION: You have two cows. You sell one, and force the
other to produce the milk of four cows. Later, you hire a consultant to
analyse why the cow has dropped dead.
ENRON VENTURE CAPITALISM: You have two cows. You sell three of them to
your publicly listed company, using letters of credit opened by your
brother-in-law at the bank,
then execute a debt/equity swap with an associated general offer so that
you get all four cows back, with a
tax exemption for five cows. The milk rights of the six cows are
transferred
via an intermediary to a Cayman Island Company secretly owned by the
majority shareholder who sells the rights to all seven cows back to
your listed company. The annual report says the company owns eight cows,
with
an option on one more. Sell one cow to buy a new President of the United
States, leaving you with nine cows. No balance sheet provided with the
release. The public buys your bull.
THE ANDERSEN MODEL: You have two cows. You shred them.
A FRENCH CORPORATION: You have two cows. You go on strike, organise a
riot, and block the roads, because you want three cows.
A JAPANESE CORPORATION: You have two cows. You redesign them so they are
one-tenth the size of an ordinary cow and produce twenty times the milk.
You then create a clever
cow cartoon image called 'cowkimon' and market it worldwide.
A GERMAN CORPORATION: You have two cows. You re-engineer them so they
live
for 100 years, eat once a month, and milk themselves.
AN ITALIAN CORPORATION: You have two cows, but you don't know where they
are. You decide to have lunch.
A RUSSIAN CORPORATION: You have two cows. You count them and learn you
have five cows. You count them again and learn you have 42 cows. You
count them again and learn you have 2 cows. You stop counting cows and
open
another bottle of vodka.
A SWISS CORPORATION: You have 5000 cows. None of them belong to you. You
charge the owners for storing them.
A CHINESE CORPORATION: You have two cows. You have 300 people milking
them. You claim that you have full employment, and high bovine
productivity, and arrest the newsman who reported the real situation.
AN INDIAN CORPORATION: You have two cows. You worship them.
A BRITISH CORPORATION: You have two cows. Both are mad.
IRAQI CORPORATION: Everyone thinks you have lots of cows. You tell them
that you have none. No-one believes you, so they bomb the **** out of
you
and invade your country. You still have no cows, but at least now you
are
part of a Democracy....
AUSTRALIAN CORPORATION: You have two cows. Business seems pretty good.
You close the office and go for a few beers to celebrate
WELSH CORPORATION: You have two cows. The one on the left looks very
attractive
