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Ahhh .... it's been sometime my friends. Sailing the ocean blue for months has left us with sea legs. We left Spain sometime ago after an audience with our king. He asked what great wonders have we seen? We said a drunken Welshman and a missing Springbok. To say the least our lord was not happy. Hence we set sail to the other side of the world to explore this curricular world and on a journey to find these people they call Kiwi's.
Ah New Zealand a bigger version of Wales we see. Plenty of mountains and sheep but better weather we think and of course possess some of the best rugby players in the world. Ah this man here looks like a good old Kiwi, excuse me sir ...
We are the Spanish Inquisition and we have come to find out what a true New Zealander is. Ah good day sir we hear your name is 'smartcooky'? Is this true are cookies really that smart?
My real name is Ian Cook. I have been called ""Cooky" since I was little. Early in my "foruming" career I used "Cooky" as a username until someone referred to me as a "smart-arse" using the phrase "you're just a smart-arse Cooky". (an accusation that was fair at the time, IIRC). I liked it, had the Admin change my username to "smartcooky". I have used it ever since.
Ah a smart one we see. Best be careful where we tread with this one boys. So 'smartcooky' what is thy rugby background?
I started playing rugby at school. When we moved to Westport (on the West Coast), I also played Rugby League. It was not unusual for me to play Rugby for school in the morning, and League for my club in the afternoon (RL wasn't allowed in schools in those days, even on the West Coast) Later, I joined the RNZAF, and ended up playing only Rugby, In Christchurch I played at prop (TH & LH) for Hornby, and when I was posted to Auckland, for Western United. Shortly after I was posted back to Christchurch I had a motor-cycle accident which did my right knee cartilage badly enough to end my playing days. I took up refereeing, and reached "A" Grade before the knee finally put an end to that.
Ah these motorbikes are such strange this. Juan tends to drive a moped but these two wheeled things our king cannot understand and is greatly impressed with. A master with both union and league how very strange and also a referee. Enough dawdling who is your rugby player idol?
Colin "Pinetree" Meads
Ah arise Sir Meads. We have heard of this giant of a lock forward a true stalwart of the game. So we are in Nelson we see, what is this place like and where are you taking us tonight sir?
Nelson is a Port town nestled in Tasman Bay on the north coast of the South Island of New Zealand, population about 60,000 (70,000 since the Christchurch earthquake). Its very sunny and a really nice place to live. It has a lot of "expat Europresence", especially Italians, and this is one of the reasons why we lobbied to hard to get two of Italy's RWC games here. The Mayor (Aldo Miccio) is of Italian descent, and so is the headmaster of one of our major schools (Robert Gargiulo). Where I take you will depend on what you want to do. If you are eating out, then "Broccoli Row" or "Harry's Bar" are good general restaurants tat cater for most tastes, but there are lots of others if you want to specialise... Cafe Olive (Turkish), Chokdee (Thai), Cafe Italia, Stefanos (Pizza). If you are a nightclubber, then "The Phat Club" or "The Grumpy Mole" would probably be more to your liking. Every town has to have an Irish Pub, and we are no exception. "Molly Maguires" is a great place to go on a Friday or Saturday night after the Rugby is done and dusted.
Ah we shall go there tonight and rest before setting sail again. We see and hear that you are the next Donald Trump of Nelson is this true? We may well have to inform the king to invade this country if so.
No... not even close. I own an, independent Photo Lab where I do everything from simple digital prints to photo manipulation and stretched canvas printing.
Quick Juan, catch that informant who informed us wrong, we will take him as a slave. So back to the egg ball shaped questions. Who is your favourite rugby team?
Nelson Bays (now Tasman Makos) and the Crusaders. Because they are "our" teams. I grew up in Nelson even though I was born in England).
Ah the Crusaders, we encountered one of your men when crossing France. He went by the name Bill-Williams. He was the magician of Toulon and possessed the most magical skills you have ever seen. Do you follow any other sports sir?
Endurance Riding and Golf. I also play the odd game of Indoor Cricket socially. I follow most sports, NFL during the season, and cricket.
Ah interesting, endurance riding hey ... I will get my noble steed and we shall have a race sometime. We know that you are a member of the ever popular 'The Rugby Forum', why do you like the place? We hear it's unclean, riddle with filth and the most unintelligent people you will ever see.
It is just about the best Rugby Forum going, and its more than just a forum with it player interviews, its blog section and its tie up with Gaming Rugby (2012) . Most of the others I find too parochial. Planet Rugby is overrun with idiots. I actually run a low key rugby forum that has about 100 members (about 20 active) which is one that a friend and I started after the iRB Forums were terminated back in 2006. Most of the people there were members of the iRB Forums.
Ah so swift, are there anyone you particularly like or dislike there?
Likes: CAIverson, nickdnz, shaggy, Ezequiel, Charles
Dislikes: None really, but I did have a few run-ins with Bullit for a while (I'm told that this is not uncommon!)
Note: I'm 55, and I don't deal very well with "twenty-somethings" that **** me off. Perhaps tolerance is something I need to work on
Ah fellow Kiwi's I see. Now we head to our most important question. We know that everyone loves the Muppets. What is your favourite?
hands down... ANIMAL!!
We read the papers here that our dear old friend Mr Kaplan had a somewhat interesting game against those Welsh and Irish last week. Who do you regard as currently the best IRB referee out there?
Craig Joubert
Ah Joubert, we have yet to track this specimen down, we shall continue to hunt for him. On our boat we have no chance to view films, what is your favourite film and why?
I have so many films that I like its hard to pick just one, so I'm going cop out of this question, and answer it by saying which film I most recommend people to see if they get the chance... "Smilla's Feeling for Snow" (a.k.a. "Smilla's Sense of Snow" in some countries). Don't be fooled by the ***le, its a murder mystery thriller with a touch of Sci-Fi) and a good one.
We will check our local Sockbuster to see if that film is there. Whilst on the matter of films, Lord of the Rings was filmed in this wonderful country. Have you ever visited the gates of Mordor or the walls of Helms Deep?
Other end of the Island. No, never been to Hobbiton.
Ah pity, we may venture there to claim the fort of Helms Deep. Who sir is your favourite actor or actress and why?
Sean Connery, because of his sheer versatility. Who else could play a British Secret Agent (007), an Italian Monk (Name of the Rose), an American US Marine Provost Marshal (The Presidio), A Greek King (Time Bandits), a Norwegian explorer (The Red Tent), a Spanish Immortal Warrior (Highlander), and a Russian Nuclear Submarine Captain (The Hunt for Red October).
Ah ... we have comeacross this Scotsman, truly fantastic. Time is upon us and we must leave. But quickly tell us sir what is your message to the people of 'The Rugby Forum?'
Keep making this the best Rugby Forum on the planet!
Thank you smartcooky, we have learnt much of you and your native New Zealand. Come we must set sail.
