Match Report Cornish Pirates 67 Rotherham 14
Comprehensive and clinical. Following their previous (error strewn) performance at the Mennaye (against Doncaster Knights), Pirates produced an impeccable first half display against an admittedly below par Rotherham outfit. However, Yorkshire fans were not the only ones with red faces. Deciding to impart some pearls of wisdom to my travelling companions, I had spent the previous thirty minutes extolling the virtues of Rotherham's pack, and how they were "always a hard side to beat".
It was forty five nil at half-time.
Aaagh.
For the first five minutes the ***ans retained possesssion and gained yardage through repeated 'pick and goes', in pods of three and four. However, a mistake gave Pirates possession, which they then refused to yield until just before half-time, scoring six tries in the process.
Jonny Bentley produced an imperious display at fly half, creative in attack and marshalling superbly in defence. Constantly audible were the trills and chirps of the diminutive New Zealander, ensuring that all defensive positions were adequately manned at all times. JB was awarded man of the match to much acclaim, and it was hard to argue after his performance. However, members of the second row union may well have felt aggrieved. After all, both Myerscough and Gulliver (who appears to look more like Mickey Rourke by the week. Modern day....not when with Kim Basinger and the fridge!) both had phenomenal games. ***ans found their lineout completely dismantled, winning what seemed to be only two or three of their own lineouts, and absolutely none of the restarts. What more can a second row do to win man of the match?
Therefore, much of the first half proceeded as follows:
Pirates Score
***ans kick off
Pirates regain possession
Pirates kick to Rotherham 22
Rotherham lose lineout
Pirates Score.....etc, etc.
However, this does no justice to some of the Pirates play. Fabulous counter rucking enabled Pirates to turnover a lot of ***ans ball in the loose, when Rotherham were already a lost cause at the set piece. This was emphasised by the huge yards being made in the maul. Marriott's try from the base, came after the Pirates pack had walked the Rotherham forwards back a full ten to fifteen yards (one of several such occasions). Many of the opposition felt that the ball had been lost from the base, but the only thing to come detached were Alan Paver's shorts, as Marriott clinged on for dear life. Although they were halfway down his rosy cheeks, they were still part of the maul....ergo ...still under control. Try given.
It was turning into one of those days for the ***ans. Although it was an abject display, every decision and ball bounce went the way of the home side. Firstly, there appeared to be an unseen Pirates knock-on in the build up to Hopper's first try. Also for Wes Davies' try the ball bounced horrifically (twice) around the ***ans fullback and straight up into the grateful arms of the Pirates wing.
Cattle and Hopper both scored again prior to the break, with very well worked efforts. Also, Bentley (of all people) emerged from a ruck (which looked to have been turned over by the visitors) to walk over with no defence anywhere near him.
To be fair to the Rotherham coaches, they did try and stem the flow, being forced to make the embarrassing decision of putting on two substitutes after only twenty minutes.
With Rob Cook's relentless accuracy (seven from seven), the score continued to tick over at more than a point for every minute played.
After the break, the final humiliation came for Rotherham. A prop ran in from 25 yards. Paul Andrew went over like a gluttonous gazelle. Fifty nil....it was all getting a little bit embarrassing. At least the ***ans fans could see the funny side. Mr ***an (in full spartan costume) tried to rally the troops at this stage, insisting that "I CAN SEE THE FEAR IN THEIR EYES!". Laughter all round....and it made a welcome change from "WE ARE ROTH'RAM!".
Pirates coaches then made the sensible decision of using the bench. From this point onwards the game cantered to it's end in an untidy fashion, with further tries for both sides. Rotherham second row Louis McGowan managed to somehow end up with two tries, despite his previous inability to catch the ball. One of these took an inordinate amount of time for the TMO to approve, even after Chris Morgan's protestations to the ref of "can't you just let them have it?" (there must surely be a social fine on it's way for that?). Further Pirates tries came from Locke, Doherty, and Bentley again. One other point of note was the entrance of a streaker (no, not Paver again) towards the end, who staggered around in a bambi-esque fashion until a ***ans coach grabbed his shorts and pulled them down. Rotherham went from being exposed at the tackle....to simply exposing tackle.
